So You Wanna Go Natural?!?!
on Jul 20 in Blog, Writings by PhillWadeSo you women wanna know what us men would think about you if you CHOPPED OFF YOUR HAIR and went natural???? Don’t lie…You wouldn’t mind knowing our perspective. I am sure that many women fear rejection so they second guess themselves. Many women decide to go with straight hair because they may think that its prettier..Ladies…please get an understanding…there is no such thing as good or bad hair if you are taking care of it. There was so much truth to the movie “School Daze” directed by Spike Lee. And you know that hes gonna tell it like it is. Some/many black women do have a complex when it comes to the terms “Good or Bad Hair”. These definitions are so twisted and detrimental to our thought process.
The Twisted Definitions:
Good Hair – Hair that is long and silky. Hair that blow in the wind. The kind of hair that is popular in commercials and will somehow make a women more accepted in society by other races. The kind of hair that ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority should posses. The kind of hair that “some” R&B artist refer to when they say “LET.ME.RUN.MY.FANGERS.THRU.YO.HAIR!!!…OOO YYYEA!!” (…that was my Jodeci) Look at the women they use in videos.
Bad Hair – (I have to say this before I give this definition…How could God create something in His image that is BAD???)…Some say an Afro is bad hair. The kind of hair that ONLY socially conscious women have that join Delta Sigma Theta Sorority. Hair that has minimal bounce like Bantu knots, 2 strand twists, Braid-outs, Corn rows, Blowout, dreads or “rockin ruff and stuff wicho afro puffs” (I got a lot of homegirls and grew up with a lot of women OKAY!!??)
Personally, I don’t care because I am attracted to individuality and versatility. Whatever a man chooses IS his personal preference at the end of the day, but that shouldn’t stop you from being yourself. Besides, you should be content with who you are and how you look before you even approach the idea of being someones “better half” or their significant other. And if you aren’t content/satisfied, then you should work on it…life is about progression..not complacency…ENOUGH PREACHING (for now)…OKAY…Recognize this before you continue reading the rest of this blog because I know your eyes are glued to the screen waiting on me to say something wrong…(In regards to women) “No two men on God’s green earth will think exactly alike throughout their entire lives”. That is not possible, so having said that….DON’T GENERALIZE US nor should you look at your boyfriend/husband like…”Baby…you wouldn’t love me if I cut my hair off would you???…AND DONT LIE TO ME!!!..You know what??!…IM TYYYED OF YOU ALWAYS LYIN WICHO NO JOB HAVIN…GROCERY EATI…”…lol..got a little carried away but you get the point.
Lets approach the popular thoughts that many men may have about you going all natural…(Ill start you off easy, but Ima still be honest)
There is the guy that doesn’t mind and is sensitive to the reasons that you may want to go natural. He realizes you may be at a transitional period in your life where you are making a statement about your individuality or an affirmation to your self acceptance. And if it isn’t that complex, he may assume or notice that a natural style may be a matter of convenience. We realize that your lifestyle may be fast paced, spontaneous, or that you take your R&R time (Rest and Relaxation) very seriously and your hair is the last thing that you want to be worried about. He generally loves and respects the fact that your are brave enough to do you despite whats popular. Ladies….you don’t have to go to a poetry lounge, spoken word symposium, or hip hop seminar to find a man that will appreciate your kinky twists…WE ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE LOOKING FOR YOU TO COME OUT…wicho beautiful self!!…So be BOLD when it comes to your image…don’t be timid…its not sexy. Let your hair down girl, its not a secret… love tuggin your strands; it snaps back cuz of shrinkage.
Then there are the guys who are bothered by all of your products with your SHAY Butter and curly puddin and coconut oils, Tea Tree Oils and your 1 million wide tooth combs all over the house and in every purse and car cup holder…He wishes that you would get a perm and call it a day. He doesn’t even mind you having weave in your hair. However, in an effort to know you in every aspect possible, he wouldn’t mind seeing your REAL HAIR every now and then. (Believe it or not)….. He desires that shoulder or back length hair type of look. Earlier in this post I mentioned that the definition of Good and Bad hair is detrimental to “OUR” thought process…black people have always had some sort of desire to be ACCEPTED…As a Man…when it comes to hair, it is my personal belief that “some” women originally wanted perms so that they could have grasp the respect of those who were falsely deemed as superior. A way of thinking was passed down from generation to generation and then came television…where the majority of the women in music videos, that I can remember (besides India Arie), had long or curly hair. So, women (some and NOT all) who wanted to be ACCEPTED craved length opposed to style and individuality. Men wanted to emulate the “playas” they saw on television because they supposedly have these women who seem to be on “Another Level” (read my last blog) thinking that society would ACCEPT them if they had a woman who looked like whats on the “Stupid Box” aka the T.V. Thus our mentality was and still is TWISTED. Lets embrace and ACCEPT ourselves. Black people are always saying “I dont care what nobody think about me!!!” with such authority. Lets not talk about it ladies and gentlemen….LETS BE ABOUT IT!!
I’ll close by saying this…Do you and I’ll still love you the same, BUT ILL RESPECT YOU EVEN MORE!!!
(S/O to Kirbee!!!)
Stay away from: Creamy Crack (Perms) every five minutes of your life, Products with Minerals and Silicones…When you get older…they will have your hair line receding like LeBron James or like it pledged Omega Psi Phi Ω (My roommate says “Roo to the bruhs)…smh…lol
Famous Naturals That I Like: India Arie, Teyana Taylor, Marsha Ambrosius (From Floetry), Esperanza Spalding, Trace Ellis Ross, Chrisette Michelle, Ledisi, Solange Knowles, Corrine Bailey Rae, Janelle Monae (I think she is) and Erykah Badu!!!
Let me know what you think. Hit me on here or on Twitter @MrPhillWade
I am going to repost this. This is the correct perspective when it comes to women and HAIR! *Applauds*
I second that!!
I think everyone should read this because this is the absolute truth! To me everybody that I see now that’s going natural is just trying to follow the trend.
It could be that they have come to terms with accepting their natural state, maybe! Most people want to be accepted by society and if they feel that people won’t treat them the same if their appearance changes then they stay in the “box”. In this case I don’t necessarily think that it is a bad thing that people are following a trend because it’s one that will lead them to healthy hair and self acceptance.
If the “trend” is to accept natural beauty and encourage/increase self love… do tell how that positive trend is problematic?
A lot of folks were “natural” before they even knew of a “natural movement”
I am natural and I love it. My hair is curly soft and when pressed out looks just as straight as if I had a relaxer. I have met quite a few men that like it straight quite a few like it curly and some that just like the fact that i have hair at all.
So I agree with you Mr. Wade. Its all how we take care of What we have and being happy with the final resort. Men appreciate a happy confident woman.
Well, women wear their hair certain ways for their own reasons. I haven’t dated alot of men, but I have alot of guy friends and this is what I was told by a few of them. When a woman rocks a short style, its like they sleeping with a man when they touch it, (immature statement). They love women with long hair but hate weave (confused). You won’t find alot of women that has naturally long hair. Some women wear certain hair sytles to please their mate. Example, I use to like to get my hair done hard, you know sprits down, just so it will last about a week and it was convenient not to comb. The guy I was dating liked it to be silky and bouncy, so what I do, go buy a damn chi iron (flat iron) that cost over $100 because it makes it that way. Som men like to run their fingers through a womans hair, so therefore we get perms to make it soft, a woman will not let you run your fingers through her weave. Some women wearweave for different reasons, if their hair is short, they may feel they look better with longer hair. Some wear it just to get the full look. Some wear weave and don’t need it, example, Lisa Raye, her hair is long, but she still wears wigs and weave just to get a different look. Some women hair just don’t grow, so they turn to weave or just rock the short styles. I personally don’t wear weave, never did, but I don’t knock the women that do wear it. So no matter how a woman wears her hair, she do it for a reason.
Love it! And I’m going to tweet the link to my followers….a lot of whom are going through the natural transition presently.
Definitely passing this on! Loved it!
This was an amazing blog and needed to be addressed….two snaps
APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE!!!
Not only is this a well written blog, I LOVVVVVEEEE the fact that you know about our natural hair culture. You know about curly pudding and coconut oils, our combs etc. It SHOWS that you pay attention to women… The RIGHT ATTENTION!
Keep it up Phill!!!
This is why i <3 Phill Wade. Thoughtful,comical, real, and straight to the point. Love it!!!
Nicely and respectfully put…good work.
I LIKE I LIKE!!!!! I’ve been going natural for two years and I LOVE IT. I didnt cut my hair off and start over I just stop getting perms. I did it for me, because I was sick of those damn perms taking damaging my hair. “I WAS NOT being a follower”. I love the way my hair feels and look when I get it flat ironed, YOU CANT TELL ME SH** when I leave my stylish…..hahahaha… but anywho as always good job!!!!!
Love the blog! I recently cut off all of my long flowing curls to gain a WHOLE head of healthy hair. My hair was what ppl wld call “good” and me being in cosmetology school I began to experiment with color, bleach highlights and what not. This caused my hair to slowly break off and my stressful schedule didn’t help either. Well I went from long thick curls to thick curly roots and thin fragile ends. I was noticing my hair was snapping right where I last processed my hair. I ended up riding the “I’m cutting all my hair off whether u like it or not” train and I actually LOVE it. Its easy to manage and I thought I wld hate it b/c this is the shortest my hair has been in my life! I remember while on the salon floor at school I heard a light skinned chick w/ long hair saying how she doesn’t understand how girls with nappy hair would make that transition. This was before I damaged my hair so I know damn well she wasn’t talkin bout me cuz I wlda went left on ha ass! Lol but I had to refrain from getting into a full fledged debate. I honestly feel that for a woman raised in western culture to go against the “norm” and look a certain way that isn’t considered what a man looks for his woman to look like is the most powerful and confident thing a woman can do. Its easy to get a man when u have long flowing hair and a yada yada yada but can u honestly say that u can glow without the long flowing hair and relaxers and weave? Its the ultimate confidence tester ladies. U wanna know if ur really as bad as u think u are? Go against the grain. U may learn something about urself.
By the way check me out on http://www.facebook.com/tristan.fruge1 to see the transformation
The “Big Chop” is not necessary for those contemplating going the natural route. I accidentally went natural 6yrs ago without cutting my hair off and I just stuck with it. It is convenient and I love it!!! Unlike our pale faced compadres, our hair comes in different textures, which makes our hair more versatile and fun to play with. I never have a bad hair day because natural hair doesn’t have to look a certain way. Perm my hair???… never again!
You know how brothers are always checking out some ass? Well… I act the same way when I see a sister with dreads, afros, plats, or even cut real low. I went to Fela Kuti’s son’s show a week ago and sooo many queens was there I couldn’t believe it! So many beautiful women!
Note: I check out the booty too! Don’t get that “twisted”.
5 YEARS NAPPTURAL AND LOVING IT!! AWESOME POST!!
Love the article will repost.. I am proud of my natural hair and have a tshirt business that promotes natural hair.
I agree, this is a great article.A successful blog needs unique, useful content that interests the readers
This was the best acrticle I have ever read on natural hair from a man’s perspective. I too was one of those women who thought I had to have long straight hair, because I am lightskinned and everyone expected it. 12/4/2009 was one of the best days of my life when I did my big chop. I love my kinky curly coils, and I love when they pop back due to shrinkage. Thank you for this!! Stay blessed!
I now, this is a great article.A successful blog needs unique, useful content that interests the readers
Thank you very much for that splendid article
This is the second entry I read tonight. And I am on my third. Got to think which one is next. Thank you.
Good to finally hear an honest male perspective. I LOVE this!! Curly Girls Rock!!
Hello there! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I genuinely enjoy reading through your articles. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that deal with the same subjects? Thank you so much!